Then, I lay in bed and Pinterest my eyeballs dry, scouring every last square inch of the Internet for activities and things to teach Mykenzi. Before I know it, I have an awake baby ready to eat and the need for 10 pots of coffee. One day I will learn to sleep.
Outside influences are totaling screwing with my mom game. Whether it's Instagram, family members, or friends they all create a tiny little voice that says, "you're not doing it right." I totally get that all babies develop at their own rate, but secretly (or not) we all want our babies to be the smartest, most advanced baby of all. Ew, right? Did you just read how ridiculous that last sentence just sounded? Ugh, why do we as mother let ourselves get caught up in this rat race? There's no wrong way to do motherhood ... I mean, unless your throwing your baby against the wall for a good time, then you might be doing it wrong.
Last night, I found myself feeling the mom guilt that I just wasn't doing it right. Mykenzi isn't crawling just yet and that whole sippy cup training is not her thing. But, why am I rushing it? Because your baby is crawling and drinking out of sippy cups? Mykenzi may not crawl but she can cognitively say Ma Ma and Da Da, she can clap, wave, and give you a kiss. Your baby might be crawling but she may not be clapping yet. It doesn't mean that our babies are developing slow, it means they are developing differently because we mother differently ... And that's not wrong.
If I've learned one thing repeatedly with motherhood it's that I've got to take a deep breath, cut myself some slack, and remember that when the only way my fussy child will go to sleep is when I put her head to my chest and gently rub her back ... that I am most certainly "doing it right."
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Do you ever feel like you're not doing it right?
Aww love this. Of course with my first I had the same feelings as you, and then my 2nd came (8 weeks early!) and that totally taught me to relax and well now by #3, I am so relaxed about most things. There are still times I compare her development too (we joke that she's a lazy baby) but at the end of the day, there's nothing she or I will win if she's crawling in a week. It goes too fast so just enjoy the moments you are at and try to not wish for things to come, because then they will and you'll blink and have an almost 5 year old
ReplyDeleteI totally get it! I think so much of this stems from such a stress on stats and milestones. Whenever I am with other momma's I feel like I always get asked "Is she yet?" "What are her percentiles?" And if I choose to answer, "Oh well mine was doing that already." or some such. My favorite was sleeping through the night. Apparently *everyone* I have ever met's child slept through the night at some absurdly young age like 3 weeks or something. It was so bad with my in-laws that my husband refuses to give any stats out and is super vague on stuff. That is sad, isn't it? Our babies are all doing well. They will all develop at their own perfect, god-planned pace. I just tell myself that I have to do what is right for my babe and right for me, and trust my gut too. And try to enjoy all the little bits. Right now mine is almost walking, but not yet, and I am trying to cherish the last moments of freedom before the havoc. Oh and the sippy cups.. how in the heck can you even teach a kid to use one?! Hazel tries, bless her heart, but just doesn't even know what to do with it. If she happens to get some water, she doesn't swallow it, it just dribbles out... lol.
ReplyDeleteGreat post (and great comments!) and I couldn't agree more. My little man is on the smaller side, yet completely healthy and happy (shouldn't that be enough?) yet when everyone asks and focuses on percentiles and stats, I inevitably end up feeling some of that mom guilt and overthinking what I should've done differently and whatnot. We should all cut ourselves some slack and be supportive. Being a mama is no easy feat!
ReplyDeleteAh I so needed this today! My girl just turned one and isn't steadily standing yet or walking.. Cue the mom guilt! Plus she is having a hard time with finger foods.. Mom guilt again! It's so hard to not compare and think "maybe if I had done xyz she'd be walking now" or whatever else! Thank you for your encouraging words!!
ReplyDeleteYes! I feel this way quite often. My little one didn't roll over for a long time and I blamed myself. It had to be because I wast at work, or daycare didn't do enough tummy time, or I didn't do enough tummy time. I focused on that rather than the fact that she was sitting early and meeting all other milestones. My husband reminds me (and I need to remind myself) to relax. That my babe will grow up to be whoever she is and develop at the rate that is best for her. And that we all are doing it right!
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled on your blog and was reading a few posts. I have 2 kids. 3 & 2 years old. Both were very early crawlers and walkers. BUT both are slow talkers, picky eaters and my son still loves to drink milk out of the bottle. The great thing is, I don't care. I don't care that he still drinks a bottle and has no interest in using the potty. I don't care that she really started talking at 3 and not 18 months. They are both happy and healthy. That is what is important. Don't rush these baby moments you have.
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