Motherhood: Your Expectations vs. Reality

Motherhood.  It's a tricky title.  When you are pregnant or holding your Newborn for the first time, you are walking through a field of roses imagining how your life with your precious little one will look.  You imagine all things great, you might even utter the words, "My baby will NEVER do that." or "I won't be THAT type of Mom."  Spoiler Alert! It will look nothing like you imagined it and your baby will do all the things you said it wouldn't and you will be THAT mom.

Since I'm an expert Mom now because I've got a whole year under my belt, I thought I'd share some of my best imagined scenarios ruined by reality.  If you're a new Mom or Mom-to-be, brace yourself. It's about to get real, you may still want to live in your fantasy-land.

Get used to no sleep.  Even if you're child sleeps fairly long hours in the beginning ... don't get spoiled because then comes teething, mid-nite leaky diapers, and sickness.  All will completely negate any type of sleeping schedule you worked so hard to create.  If that wasn't the worst part, it takes weeks to get back on that schedule you created which is just enough time for another tooth to decide it wants to make its debut.  Vicious cycle. No sleep. Just own it.

Poop.  Lots of it.  And just when you wonder how people's kids have blow-outs and how that would never happen to you because you'll always make sure they're wearing the appropriate sized diaper, BAM! Blow-out.  In public. On your favorite shirt. Where the only place to change them is your car. In the pouring rain.  Blow outs have no mercy, just accept ahead of time that you will touch, wear, clean lots and lots of poop.

Desensitized.  Just when you think you can't handle gross things, you realize you are wearing the same shirt your sweet baby spit-up on 2 days ago, three different times.  You also lose track of the days you showered.  And just when you think that tops the gross chart, you find yourself picking slimy boogers out that sweet baby's nose with one hand while simultaneously shoving a Chick-fil-a Nugget in your mouth with the other.

Germs are your friend.  You spend the first 6 months creating a germ free bubble as best you can. Cart covers, hand sanitizer, get anything remotely germy as far away from them as possible.  Then? Then you find them eating grass, or your shoes left by the front door.  They've learned how to remove the cart cover so they can gnaw on the cart's handle.  They keys you gave them to distract them end up shoved up their nose and then in their mouth.  And just when you think you've dodged the germ bullet, you find them making a beeline for the puddle of cat vomit left in the middle of the night by your precious pet.

Pick a Pediatrician with a sense of humor ... or one that is also a Mom.  Why?  Because you'll be all types of crazy and especially crazy if you're a first time Mom.  Don't think so?  Just wait until you're rushing to the Doctor's office at 7am before they even open for what you think are broken fingers and Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease.  Guess what, it's Ant Bites and you're crazy.  Or the time you pay $100 ER Co-pay for a fever that you were told was a virus only to pay another co-pay for your Pediatrician the next morning because, "Pffft, a Virus? What does the ER know?" Guess what? It's a Virus, and you're crazy.  It's okay, it happens to the best of us.

Be comfortable with your body.  Because society seems to think we need to cover up as our babes are screaming bloody murder for food.  Not terrible right? Try explaining that to your handsy babe who does not want to be covered while they enjoying the fruits of their Mom's labor.  If you are nursing in public don't be surprised when strangers catch a glimpse of your ta-tas because little Henry decides he doesn't want to be a part of your Secret Feeding Fort anymore.  Hands go flying, Nursing covers come off, and strangers get a show.  We should really get paid as often as strangers see our boobs. Or you could be like me and try to keep some modesty and nurse in your car or somewhere else out of sight.

And while we are on the subject of modesty ... let's talk about Labor.  You'll probably be like me and go into Labor prim and proper and pull your hospital gown over your goods every time you something tries to peek out.  Then hour 15 rolls around and you could care less what is peeking where or the fact that your "bits" miiiight look like a Chia pet because you lost sight of it months ago and you did the best you could with a razor.  All you are really concerned about is, "GET THIS BABY OUT!"

Learn to celebrate.  Because it's their first birthday and you laugh/cry hysterically because you aren't sure how you survived that first year, but then breathe a sigh of relief because you totally owned that year, even if you did let your crazy show.

Motherhood's reality is far different than our expectations, but even with all the crazy, reality is far better than our expectations.

Happy Weekending, Friends!