My Word

At the mark of the New Year, bloggers always take a word as their Mantra, so to speak, for the impending year.  A word that speaks to them, or something they want to focus on doing with a fresh 365 days in front of them, or 366 in this year's case.  Well, in true fashion I'm late to the ball game, but I wanted to find a word that really spoke to me.  Something that really meant something and something that I really wanted to focus on doing for the next year.  It took a few weeks, but if finally came to me.

fear • less: (adjective) lacking fear.

synonyms: bold, brave, courageous, valiant, lionhearted, gallant, daring, audacious, gutsy, feisty

2015 was a great year for us as a family.  The end of of 2015 proved to be a little overwhelming and the start of 2016 kept that trend going.  Relationships took a hit, family dynamics changed, and while we excitedly learned the gender of Baby #2, we also learned some potentially threatening news about our pregnancy.  I'll have more on that when we visit the Doctor next week.  As the saying goes, when it rains it pours.  That's when the word fearless entered my mind and immediately it told me that I would be able to weather this storm.

Having relationships falter with people who are close is always a hard hit.  Actions you never expect from family rocked my world, and friendships seemingly had issues that I was unaware of.
With relationships I want to be fearlessly honest, even if that means taking space or permanently walking away.  I want to fearlessly be confident that by doing so I will not have regrets in moving forward without people, whether it be family or friends, in my life.  If I choose forgiveness, I want to forgive without fear of the same mistakes happening again in those relationships.  Most of all, I want to be fearlessly secure in all my relationships in life because when fear creeps in, that's when they take a tumble.

With Baby #2, finding out it's a boy was a total surprise.  My initial reaction was shock and fear. How am I going to be a Boy Mom when all I know is girl?  I don't have those parts, how am I supposed to care for them?!  A silly fear, but a very real fear.  A fear that I can only imagine is similar to a fear a Dad must feel when he finds out he's having a girl.  In addition to gender shock, we also learned of some potentially threatening news concerning our pregnancy.  Like I said, I'll have more information when we actually see the Doctor next week and can spend some time talking to him.  While our baby's screening came back genetically healthy as of right now, we have to be careful of the future, prepare for the worst, but hopefully expect the best.  It took me a few weeks and lot of tears to wrap my mind around all of this, but I've finally entered a calm place and have hope for the future.  For Baby, I want to be fearless for many reasons.  I want to be a fearless Mother.  Yes, a boy is new territory, but I hear it's also the sweetest territory a Mother can experience.  I want to fearlessly live in each moment as his Mother, learning and loving everything about him.  I also want to be fearlessly pregnant.  Yes, there are areas of concern, but I don't want that to define this pregnancy.  I don't want to live in fear this entire pregnancy.  I want to love and and enjoy this pregnancy as much as my first, and I can only accomplish that without the fear of what if.

Fears consume me daily.  Some big, some small, but all equally fearful.  I hope that I can be fearless in any situation that arises this year.  I know it won't be easy, but understanding that fear will make it easier to conquer.

Here's to a fearless 2016! If you chose a word for the year, what would it be?