Most recently, I've been thinking to death thoughts of Baby #2. Before you get too excited, I'm not sure when it's going to happen and ultimately I don't get to decide "if" it's going to happen. The Big Man upstairs gets to decide if we'll be blessed with another bundle to raise. While just a mere thought, it's definitely been a topic of conversation. Life with Mykenzi has been such a blessing, adding to the brood almost seems like a no-brainer. Except my brain has nothing better to do than question everything.
Will I be able to love Baby #2 as much as I love Mykenzi?
Will I have a favorite child?
Will Mykenzi be my favorite because she made me a Mom?
What if Baby #2 is a boy? Can I handle that? Am I ready for that? I always pictured 2 girls.
Will Mykenzi be okay with a sibling?
Can I handle 2 kids? Some days I feel like I can't even handle one!
If I have another baby, will I focus less on Mykenzi growing up because the new baby will be doing so many firsts?
What if Baby #2 isn't as healthy as Mykenzi. Can I handle that? I'm not sure I can.
Would Mykenzi resent me if her sibling wasn't healthy and required more attention?
Will having a sibling cause Mykenzi's happy demeanor to change?
Having a C-Section increases your risk of miscarriages. Am I ready to take that risk? Will I ever be ready to take that risk?
Am I ready for another C-Section? The first one was unplanned, a planned one scares me.
And the biggest question of all, can we afford another baby? Would it pinch us too tight? Would we figure it out?
Moms, please tell me these are normal questions and that my brain just needs to shut it.
Your words inspire me! I promise, each one of those questions is, legit! But, if we truly wait, and life with pass us by, and all we have left are "what if's"
ReplyDeleteI wrote about a second child last week! I'm so crazy on the baby fever but we're not ready right now. I'm hoping for 2017-2018.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts are all normal! I was soooo worried having my 2nd, mostly if I could love her the same and I felt so silly after having her because I was instantly so in love and I swear my heart grew to make room for her :) When the 3rd came I knew I would have no problem finding room to love her the same and I didn't :) Buuut I did have all 3 c-sections and even though I didn't have any major complications, each one scared the shit out of me, but I chose not to worry about that until like a week before delivery. If you decide on #2 I promise it will all work out!
ReplyDeletei have had every one of those feelings (especially #1). i can't imagine having a child more 'favorite' than my little guy, but i do worry how my heart could possible expand enough to love another as much. I will tell you though, as the woman who spent a week secretly crying because she was so heartbroken over having a boy, that there is truly nothing sweeter than a mama's boy, and little boys melt your heart with every single thing they do. Now as we plan for #2, as much as i want a daughter, my heart breaks a little realizing that would mean getting rid of all those precious baby boy clothes. so funny how things change and what you didn't think you could handle becomes your life and something you now can't imagine living without!
ReplyDeleteI think all of these concerns just point to the fact that you are a great mom who loves you child THAT MUCH that you can't imagine feeling that way again.
I have a lot of anxiety so I understand what you mean about your brain never shutting off. That is me ALL THE TIME. It's exhausting.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot about baby # 2 as well. My biggest fear is how in the world I can take care of two kids when most days, it's already so hard taking care of just one! Jerry and I have a ways to go before the next baby anyway, but I do like to plan ahead and think about what it will be like. I think it will be hard and scary but worth it, just like it has been with baby #1. :)
We are definitely dreaming of baby #2 over here too!! All of these questions are legit, I do truly believe our hearts grow to fit the amount of love for two babies! I know financially it's not the best decision for us right now, but as a family I think it's right. I imagine having two girls too! And I don't want them too far apart in age!
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